I’ve recently experienced another visit at a school… speaking with children here about orphaned children in Uganda. I’m told it went very well. We watched a movie I’d made then had a Q & A period. In the moment it all felt quite good.
Making dvd’s to show people here, as a way to share my experiences about orphaned children in Africa, seems to be working well for a few reasons. Sitting somewhere comfortable and relaxed with my mac, I can put thoughts and experiences together with photos and videos about children in Uganda in the form of a movie, and that feels good. It feels authentic. I also like the creativity. When children (people) are watching one of my amateur yet inspired dvd’s, their senses appear to be stimulated a few ways at once and most seem to enjoy and stay focused, even intently at times, through my short movies.
The part I am finding that seems to entice me into tangles is the time before a ‘live presentation type event’ and even, that a live event seems to be necessary in the first place… it’s ‘funny’… I can sell my home and use the equity to go to Africa, alone, or drive every mile from Canada to Panama and back in my VW van, etc… ‘courage’ doesn’t seem to be a big issue for me. I do though seem to get sick from the feeling that somehow because of my gifts or lack thereof I could be a reason someone either does or does not get it with regards to orphaned children who need our help, right now, today. I’d rather spend my talents actually Loving and uplifting the children, period.
Although I come from a family of very talented, experienced and successful performers, until now, I’ve always been the one in the audience, where I’ve quite enjoyed my place supporting others. Experience coping with pre-performance anxiety and the confidence that comes from successful ‘shows’ are things I am taking very baby steps towards acquiring these days and truthfully, a lot of it seems to consistently feel like an ‘imposition’ on my nature and even somewhat off purpose. I don’t seem to appreciate the angst I am going through before arriving somewhere I’m expected to ‘perform’ and I really wonder why I ‘should’ and what it all means with regards to my uplifting and Loving the children anyways.
I’ve heard people say, even a song was written saying, ‘If I had a million dollars … ‘ which is usually followed by endless lists of things one wants to buy. Me? I’d be on a plane to Uganda tomorrow and getting on with actually Loving and uplifting the children, one step, one child, one child family, one orphanage, one community, one day at a time. Today I say… like the nurturing rain drops falling outside right now, may abundance shower upon me that I may uplift and Love the children, daily, actually, literally…
We know some things. Universities, governments, charities, NGO’s, etc, have studied, poked, prodded, counted, discussed, powerpointed, projected, evaluated even ‘sponsored’ orphaned children for years now, and spent countless hours and billions of donor aid and charity dollars doing it… the results of which are questionable regarding the actual betterment of the majority of children concerned. Remember, all those stats complied tell us we have over 12 million orphans in sub-saharan Africa right now, the majority of whom need our help today, with a projected increase to 20 million in the next 2 years.
In this time of ‘change’ I too say ‘enough’ to the ways of old! For me to spend all my time these days talking about them, touring around telling people over here about orphans over there, stimulating people here to broaden or is it sharpen their daily perspective to focus on, care about and support millions of abandoned children, feels odd, even a bit rediculous at times, to say the least, and perhaps a bit too rooted in old party ways. There are incredible people like Stephen Lewis who seem way more than equipped and happy to do that, thank them very much! Me, I want to ‘share the LOVE’ with the children, I want to live it, to be it, to walk the walk, forget the talk.
Today, I know what I want… the way to continue that involves me being there, actually caring for orphaned children and seeing to their needs as oppossed to speaking about doing that here… I do enjoy writing and even making my little dvd’s… I think it’s because with the incredible technology of the day, I can do this while I’m there, not here talking about being there… I can do this while I’m engaged and moving forward with the children, in our own time, the perfect time, saying what wants to be said, what is present, free in the moment we are in… empowering, for everyone involved.
I know some people live for a stage and spotlight… Bless them. I do not. Maybe I feel about it like some people feel about having their picture taken… maybe I find it draining or is it splintering or maybe, distracting… like so many other things I encounter in this 3D ‘developed’ society.
Still, in Vancouver, at the end of this day or this posting, I look to move forward Loving and empowering orphaned and vulnerable children in Africa.
Someone called me a bridge the other day… how do I build one from here to there?… ah, more will be revealed 🙂
For now, I’ll keep trying to breathe and say ‘yes’ when I’m asked to speak in person about it all, trusting that I will have the confidence and the words that can help to one day bring the actual Love and support to the children that I know they so need this moment.
With Love and so much Gratitude for all the clarity and support I do feel personally as well as for the Love and support many are sharing with the children right now, today…